Are you struggling with your goals + hiding it from everyone (or from people you are wanting to impress)?
It’s a common thing people do, but if you want to achieve your goals, it’s also a dangerous thing to engage in.
Why Hiding Your Struggle can be Dangerous to Your Goals
It might sound dramatic to say hiding your struggle is dangerous, but let’s have a look…
If you look up dangerous in the dictionary, you’ll find the following:
- Able or likely to cause harm or injury
- Likely to cause problems or have adverse consequences
As per the definition, hiding your struggle is dangerous because it is both likely to cause harm, problems and adverse consequences to your goals AND to your ability to create.
Hiding your struggle can harm your goals in two ways:
#1: Lack of access to ideas, expertise, knowledge, skills + breakthroughs
Firstly, in hiding your struggle, you don’t get to access the help you may need to achieve the goal.
You may think you can work it out on your own. And maybe you can.
But discovering and talking with the right people can also help you to uncover new things you couldn’t have discovered without them.
Talking to just anyone may not lead you to the expertise that you need. But being open to help and guidance certainly can.
One of my fun groups that I run (+ love) is a local Business Mastermind called ‘Cool, Conscious Chicks in Business‘. And it’s literally that. Awesome women in business, who meet up to connect, share and offer support and friendship. It’s a rare type of environment, where we leave our egos at the door to be able to share what we’re working on and what we’re struggling with, knowing that the others in the group may have insight, experience + the ability to support us to make progress with things we are trying to achieve.
#2: The Underlying Psychology of Hiding Struggle
But almost more importantly than not accessing help, is the underlying reason you’re hiding your struggle.
The underlying psychology of hiding struggle points to something. It’s something we want to have a look at, because it’s an underlying psychology that is harmful to your goals.
And because we want you to achieve your goals, we need to go there.
If you are hiding your struggle from everyone, there is always an underlying reason you are doing that.
Is it that you think it means something about you that you are struggling?
Do you think it makes you a failure?
Do you think there is something wrong with struggling?
Are you trying to pretend you are successful, happy or healthy, while not really feeling it? If so, why are you pretending that? Why do you want people to think those things about you?
If you are hiding your struggle from everyone, chances are that one of the issues for you is that you don’t know how to achieve your goal. Something is in the way, but you don’t know what.
That part is fine. That part we can work with. And shortly, I’m going to share some posts with you to help you work out what to do.
But it’s the psychology behind hiding the fact that you’re struggling with your goals that I have a problem with (on your behalf). Because I care about you being able to achieve them.
Why the Psychology of Hiding Your Struggle is a Problem for Your Goals (+ the Creation of Your Life)
If you’re struggling with your goals, and hiding your struggle, it tells us that you are living from a performance orientation. (And that is a problem for your goals).
Performance orientation? Say, what?
There are two types of life orientations.
One is conducive to creating results. And the other really struggles to.
One orientation is about creating. The other is about performing.
To create our lives (including our goals), we need to be focused on creating it.
Creators create. Performers don’t create.
In fact, performers struggle to create.
Because they are not motivated to create for the goal itself.
They are motivated to create the goal for what they think it says or means about them.
That’s the underlying motivation for the goal.
Their connection is with their identity, and not with the goal at all.
They either think others are watching them, and that this audience matters – or they themselves are the audience of their own self they are trying to create as an ‘ideal self.’
Why this is a problem is that what they are living out is an identity crisis.
People with a performance orientation will say things like:
- “I want to be successful”
- “I want to be the best in my field.”
- “I want to be slim and beautiful.”
- “I want to be a best-selling author.”
These are common examples of goals that are typically driven by identity.
They have linked their identity with what they create, and their creations with their identity.
How does this differ from a healthy orientation?
A creator, on the other hand, knows that they are not their art or creations and their creations are not them.
They are separate things. With this understanding, creators are free to create. And to learn along the way as they progress from their concept of what they are wanting to create, to completion of their goal.
By contrast, for the performer, any risk of failure becomes a threat.
As a result, mistakes are not okay. Looking stupid is not okay. Not knowing is not okay. Slipping up is not okay.
What this means also is that learning is not okay.
Yet to achieve any goal or outcome, there are things we need to learn along the way.
And mistakes and failure are all part of the process.
To a creator, learning (and failure) are not threats. They are an inevitable part of the process of building what matters to them. And their identity is not at stake.
What about you?
If you are struggling with your goals, and avoiding having people find out you’re struggling, this hints at the likelihood that you think you need to be ‘doing well’. Which indicates that you have a ‘performance’ mentality.
For you to create what truly matters to you in life, it will serve you beyond measure to get out of that mindset.
Because learning is a critical and unavoidable part of the path of creating anything.
Big love to you + creating what matters!
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P.S.S. If you’d like help with moving beyond your struggle, I offer private consultations to help people achieve their goals. If you’d like to book a free Strategy Session to see if I can help you, please send me a message and let me know what your goal is and what you’re struggling with.